Why Is This Man So Dang Happy?
After all that he has been through, what artificial means must Michael McGoldrick be using to augment his mirth?  After all, it is not easy to have two near-death experiences in the same day: one from aspiration of Japanese food, and the other from enduring the worst comedy known to humankind.  If you happen to see him walking down the street, please don't tell him that Gary Coleman is currently "out"--that would truly shatter his world.  So, what is his secret?  Prozac?  Electroconvulsive therapy?  A strategically placed tattoo that only he knows about?  Some things in this world, sadly, must remain a mystery.