The Primack Times
December 2003
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Classic "Battle of the Sexes" Rivalry Ends in Tie

When the Primacks and good friends Julie Cheeka and Kit Noonan gathered at Greenworld one weekend in December, no one would have guessed the tension to come. In order to settle centuries of questions regarding the superior gender, a classic battle of "boys against the girls" erupted.

Because of the expected violence involved in such a game of football, pregnant women and grandmothers-to-be were disqualified. Dogs were allowed to just run about and generally cause chaos.

After a magical down-and-out-pump-fake-go-long from the Primack-Primack duo brought the score to 7-0, very few in the stands (well, I guess we should say "neither of the two people in the stands") would have imagined that Cheeka-Noonan had a chance.

Things became even more grim in the final quarter, when Cheeka was called for a "cuddling" penalty against Primack the elder (see below). Fortunately for the Cheeka-Noonan squad, however, the penalty was declined since he enjoyed it. The next set of downs featured a brilliant hold by Noonan and kick by Cheeka, sealing the 7-7 tie which will go down in the annals of sports history forever.