The Primack Times
April 2004
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Grandma Saves Micah from the Two-Headed Beast

It wasn't just an ordinary day for Linda Engel. She arrived home from a long day of grants administration only to find her beloved grandchild had been nearly swallowed alive by his father's jacket.

The two headed beast has been spied both with (above) and without (below) hats. Either way, it is just as dastardly. Why more pronounced smiles on the upper face? Scientists theorize it is because of the more significant force of gravity acting on the lower face.

Heroically, she pounced into action and called the Cleveland Indians, who happened to be walking down the street (see far below). Together they used a spare baseball bat as a crowbar, and wrested the infant free. Peace once again reigned in Squirrel Hill, and everyone had some Rita's to celebrate.