The Primack Times
June 2005
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5K Survival

On June 19, Brian lived a lifelong dream and finished a 5K race without vomiting or needing to be hospitalized. His time of 28 minutes and 16 seconds means that his average speed was 6.58 mph. Sadly, this is still slower than speeds reached by wart hogs (30 mph), pigs (11 mph), and chickens (9 mph). However, Brian is quick to counter that it is faster than the giant tortoise (0.17 mph), the three-toed sloth (0.15 mph), and the garden snail (0.03 mph).

Brian and Micah felt much more confident about the competition after the race, however: the father and child look-a-like contest! Unfortunately, the Primack team did not place first or second. As the judges claimed, "Good effort, but the baby has too much hair."

Brian's friend Thomas, a veteran marathon runner, accompanied Brian and even stayed back with him in the race to keep him motivated. This father-daughter team also did not win the look-alike contest, but they did receive a standing ovation just because they were so cute. Here Zora is, excitedly thanking her adoring fans.

Not all was lost during the day, though. Micah, a fan of older women, was able to get a date with the winner of the female 13-19 age group. Hey, when he's 80 and she's 96 you won't even be able to tell who's older.